Monday, October 1, 2012

Feeling Like I Should be Doing Better

I just read one of my twin mom's blog posts and was commenting on a post when I realized that a lot of my comment should just be a blog post of my own.

I don't have any where near the schedule that she has, but it reminded me of some of the feelings that I have been having.  Right now, the two pressing things on my mind are Michael's Autism diagnosis and my breast cancer gene mutation.  I don't perseverate on them, but I often think about what I am doing and am I doing the best for both of us.  I also have been a little down on myself with making new friends, but that is something that I am going to work on and let go of for now.  I have a couple of different options to help increase the likelihood of meeting people that have similar interests so I will work on that and stop driving myself crazy.

I often think about Michael and his Autism diagnosis.  Sometimes I look at him and how he acts and  think, "maybe he doesn't have it", and then often soon after that, he does something that conforms that he has the right diagnosis.  A lot of this denial is probably due to other people (family and friends) questioning his diagnosis.  I think a lot also has to do with his diet and wether or not we have been good at following the right diet for him.

My friend's post made me think about school as Michael gets older.  Right now he is in a very small pre-school class through the public schools to help with social skills.  I am really happy with the progress that he has made.  This summer, we also had him evaluated for sensory processing issues.  What we found out is that as part of his PDD, he has a difficult time regulating stimulation so we have to ensure that he has active periods throughout the day (his classroom is great with this).  I am a little nervous as technically he should be going to kindergarten next year (I know that i is a long way away), but I am afraid that he won't be ready and that he won't be able to handle a school setting where he has to sit still and not have as much opportunity to get out his energy.  From talking to his preschool teacher, they have a lot of physical activity within the classroom as part of their regular day, and I'm not sure that this is what kindergarten will be like.  I also know that the schools have decreased the recess time, even in elementary school.  For my son, this is not a good thing (personally, I think it's not a good thing for any child) as he needs time throughout the day to get rid of his energy or he gets overstimulated and acts out inappropriately to decrease his stimulation.

I know that I have not been good with our diet since the beginning of summer.  Personally, I stopped running as I hate exercising in the heat.  One would think that our diet would be better with the better weather, but we all ate junk food and myself and Michael have paid for it.  I am working on getting better at planning healthy meals and getting exercise back into my life (I started running again and hurt my back).  I do well with packing healthy lunches and breakfasts for my husband, but I don't follow through for me.  I do pretty well with making sure that Michael has what he needs (not always) and also the twins, jut not good with myself (I give into cravings way too often).  Given my breast/ovarian cancer gene mutation and the fact that I am not having prophylactic surgery, I need to really get my eating, exercise, and stress levels under control.  The BRCA2 gene comes with other increased cancer risks too (ones that you can't fix with surgery), so it's really important to get and stay healthy and lose weight as well.  As of right now, I am going to start doing the right thing.  I am going to start eating right, exercising, doing yoga, making time to create, and making sure that I am doing the right thing for my family, especially Michael where he has a few different needs than the other two kiddos (we all need to eat healthy, but Michael restrictions that need to be followed).  By needing to cook and eat healthy for me and Michael, the rest of the family will be healthy also!

So, after writing this I have conformed to myself that yes I could/should be doing better.  But, I am aware that I could and should be doing better.  I am making the decision to make sure that I start doing the right thing and keeping us all healthy.

I'm very happy that I read my friend's post and put some of my feelings down.  It almost feels like it is a little more real and I am a little more realistic about what I need to do.  Sometimes, when I ruminate things in my head, I don't see the big picture I just focus on the problem not what to do about it.  I have seen a huge change in Michael when He eats right and I need to make sure that I continue to do the right things for all of us!


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