Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Get Over It!

This is something I say to myself every time I hear someone talk about their pregnancies, deliveries, and nursing.  It seems like forever that I knew that I wanted a non-invasive, healthy pregnancy, a natural birth and to nurse my babies for at least a year.  Well, none of that happened with either pregnancy.  With my first son, things were great.  I was taking a hypnobirthing class and planned to meditate during labor and while giving birth and wanted a totally medication free birth.  Things were great until about week 32 (if I remember right).  I went for a regular appt and ended up on bed rest and in the hospital for a week then total bed rest for the next 5 weeks due to pre-eclampsia.  I was induced and things went well til my son decided he didn't want to come out.  I got medication and pitocin and then ended up with a c-section.  I attempted to nurse, but it just didn't some naturally for me (even though I spouted off how natural all of this was supposed to be).  He wasn't gaining weight and I needed to supplement as well as pump to try to maintain my supply.  Then I became pregnant again at 3 months after his birth and totally stopped nursing.  Things were great this time til week 23 when I was put on bed rest for risk of pre-term labor.  I was going to attempt a VBAC, but both babies needed to be head down.  When I needed to give birth at week 35, I ended up having another c-section, because one of the babies was not head down.  Another c-section and again I had trouble nursing.  Then the twins got sick and ended up back in the hospital, this time the NICU at Children's Boston.  Again more issues for nursing.  I ended up giving up.  Thinking back, I am sorry I just gave in to the 2nd c-section.  I wish I had talked to the doctor more.  Even if I still needed the c-section at least I could look back and say that I tried.  As for nursing, I just wasn't relaxed enough.  I let my issues with being perfect get in the way.  If I were to do it over again, I would definitely try to relax more, go to a LLL meeting, and just keep trying even if I needed to use formula.  As childish and immature as it is, I get envious of people who get to have the birth plan that they wanted and those that have the after birth plan happen the way they want to as well.

All that being said, I love my 3 children more than I could ever imagine.  Even though things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, my children are beautiful and healthy and that is what I need to remember.  My twins who were so sick in the beginning are healthy and growing strong.  My older son is amazing.  It blows my mind how much he has grown.  Actually it blows my mind how much they have all grown.  So as my title says "Get over it"  I have 3 perfect children who love me, and, I also have a husband who is very supportive and is the best partner.  I couldn't imagine riding this crazy roller coaster with anyone else.  I have a great family!



  1. I feel the same way sometimes. Although I hadn't planned on a completely natural, no drugs type of childbirth, I had wanted to deliver vaginally, and that ended up not being possible. Nursing was so tough, but I was able to stick with it and get it going fairly well by the time my guys were a month old. But I never had enough milk, and always had to supplement.

    Looking back, I'm no longer unhappy about having to have the c-section. The recovery was easy-peasy, and my OB did a great job closing up my incision. No nasty scar or anything like that. But I still feel a bit jealous whenever I hear a mom talk about exclusively breastfeeding her babies. Especially if she's a MOT. I, too, need to get over it!

  2. You know, I did not have birth difficulties any of the four times I gave birth. I really didn't have any nursing difficulties either. All that said, I had two children dumped in my lap, because their mother didn't feel like playing mommy, more than she liked her drug problem. It made things very hard for everyone to adjust to, but we all had to "get over it," as you say, and find a way to make it work. I don't think it matters what the difficulty is, we all have them and we all have to just deal, sometimes, even when we don't want to! So, in a different way, I understand.