Monday, August 30, 2010

Making Friends

Why is it that making friends is so much harder when you get older?  Or is it just me?  I still have a few friends from high school and college, but different life changes in each of our lives has made it more difficult to remain close.  I have never been one to have many friends.  I was always more likely to have a couple of really good close friends, that I could confide everything in.  As I got older and our lives started to change, some of these friendships grew apart.  Some of these friendships really needed to grow apart and some I really wish hadn't.  Now that I have 3 kids, I am finding it even harder to make friends vs aquaintences.  I have a number of aquaintences, but no real close new friends.  I had hoped that being a part of the twins group, would make this task much easier, but it really hasn't.  I think a big part of it is me.  I tend to be on the quiet side, even thought there are some people in my life who would disagree.  I tend to feel so awkward around new people and hope that they will invite me in to their circle with out me having to do much work (not that I don't want to, it just the fear that I will still be rejected even after I have made a huge effort).  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe I haven't put enough effort into making friends.  Maybe I'm assuming that people don't want to be friends with me, when the truth is that I have never given them the chance.  Here I am at 37 and I feel more I like I am in junior high or high school when it comes to making friends!  I would love to have friends that have kids around my kids ages, husbands or significant others that will get along with my husband, and someone that I could have a close strong friendship with.  Maybe, I just haven't given the aquaintences that I have met enough of a chance or maybe I just haven't found the right people yet.  So, I am going to try to be more outgoing.  I have become a COPE co-chair for my twins group in hopes that I would become more a part of the group, instead of just being on the sidelines.  I am also going to give some of these aquaitences more of a chance to grow before I say that they are not friends.  I have to get over the fact that it really has seemed like in the past, when I have gotten together with people, we never seem to get together again.  I think maybe I need to make more of an effort in this area (getting together with people again after a playdate).  I think I also need to realize that most of the moms that I know have twins (at least and maybe more) and that they are busy too.  I also need to stop thinking that I am the total problem and start realizing that people may want to be more friends with me than I think!


  1. Hi Amy.

    I'm the same way...its hard to get out and meet people especially when you're so busy with three children! I barely get a chance to see my husband, never mind other women/moms.I can be a bit quiet myself at times, but I've been working hard at getting out of my shell.

    Are you in the Boston twins group? I am a member of that and will be doing some volunteering myself.

  2. Everyone told me it would be easier to make friends once the Crazies were in school...we'll see about that as they're starting pre-school this year. I'd be your friend if we lived close to each other!!!

  3. Making friends IS hard. Especially if you aren't an extrovert. Plus, while having kids introduces you to a new social set, it is also isolating and makes maintaining old friendships that much harder if you aren't at the same stage of life/parenting. With your new mom friends, it's hard to connect and move beyond the chit chat about the kids when you are so busy trying to keep an eye on said children during play dates and parties.

  4. I've found it to be just really hard keeping up with friends of any kind in the last 3 years. It's hard to really connect with other moms when we're both trying to keep an eye on our kids as they play at the playground or on playdates. And it's been hard for me to stay in the loop with all the moms and kids we've met while also keeping up with the weekly activities we have planned. My best friend from college lives 20 minutes away, and I'm lucky if I see her once a month. I'm not sure I can fully explain why it's so hard to stay connected. It just is.