Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I jsut need a place to rant about people giving unsolicited advice.  No matter how well intentioned, sometimes people should just keep their mouths shut!  Case in point, early intervention.  Michael will be 2 1/2 Sept 8th and really has no functional communication.  As an aside, my husband and my little sister both talked on the later side of the developmental spectrum and there is nothing wrong now that they are grown.  After much deliberation, my husband and I decided to make a referral to EI for all 3 kids since the twins are really not talking either.  Today was the initial gathering of information and then we still have 2 more days of evals before we know who will be eligible if any.  Tomorrow is Michael's eval and I'm guessing that he will probably be approved.  The thing is, the way some people talk, Michael should be so much farther ahead than he is and we should have made a referral a long time ago (which is exactly why I am having the twins evaluated).  When we did the developmental things today, the evaluator said that she wasn't sure that the twins would qualify, but michael maybe will, she's not sure.  Granted, they all still need to have their individual evaluations, and we won't truly know if they qualify until then.  Also, given the state of the economy in the state with all the cutbacks in services, it is going to be much harder for anyone to qualify for services.  The thing is, people are so willing to point out when kids are not meeting milestones at the "normal" rate and they make you feel like there is something wrong with your child, when in fact, it just may mean that your child is developing at his or her own rate.  My husband has been really good at reminding me that not all kids do things in the same time frame as all the other kids. 

The thing is, there may be things that we can do better as parents of 3 kids so close in age.  I don't want to equate myself with a mother of triplets, but it is so hard to have 3 kids this close in age.  Sometimes I feel like I am not giving them the attention that they would be getting if they were farther apart in age and singletons.  With Michael, he was only 10 1/2 months when the twins were born.  Then there is the fact that I was on bed rest for 3 months of my pregnancy.  Then the twins were in the hospital (NICU) after being home for 2-3 weeks and then Michael turned 1 right after they came home.  Then I had to ensure that 3 babies were taken care of.  Don't get me wrong, I actually truly love having them so close in age, I just hoep that their development is not suffering because of it.

So to all those "well meaning" people, please keep those comments to yourself.  You don't know everything.  You don't need to scare parents.  Kids do not always develop at exactly the same time, including siblings.  If you don't truly know what qulaifies as a delay, keep your mouth shut.  Those "well meaning" comments can cause parents worry about their child's development and if it is normal and cause them to question themselves and that just isn't a fair place to put anyone.  I do hope that the kids qualify because I think that they can benefit, but because of certain things that were said to me (even though I was smart enough not to take the comments at face value and I researched on my own) I have questioned my own parenting and my own belief system when it comes to my children.  I am slowly learning to listten to me and my beliefs and not let others influence me without first assessing the whole situation and making sure that I get the facts straight.

One of these days, I hope that I can trust myself enough to know that I know what's best for my child and not let others influence me.  Sory about the rant, but i am just frustrated with unsolicited advice!

Thanks for listening,


  1. I apologize if my comment on your previous post is the one you are referring to. I did not mean to intentionally make you feel upset about this. I was by no means trying to compare my twins to your and your older son. I was just trying to pinpoint the fact the for us, EI worked great. I had the boys evaluated since it's a free service from out state and the rest was based on the evaluators. They approved the boys for speech therapy, so heck, of course we did it. Did I think that they were behind in their milestones for speech? No, not really. They are preemies, bilingual and they are boys..but since the services were there- why not.
    Again, I apologize if this has caused you to be upset. Truly was not my intention.

  2. Esther-It was totally not you! I was talking about a people the I physically see that tend to say that my son should have a certain amount of words in his vocabulary and they were totally wrong with the amount of words and I new that, but they tend to be very opinionated in general. I totally appreciate when people talk about their experiences. I just hate when people tell you what to do. Please, please know it wasn't meant for you!

  3. I HATE unsolicited advice and really try to keep my muzzle on in order not to do it to other people. It's soooooo annoying!!!

  4. I agree. Not a big fan of unsolicited advice, especially when it comes from strangers or people I don't know very well. It's just annoying.

  5. Don't question yourself. As you said your husband and sister talked later in life. Like you husband said not every child reaches the same milestones at the same time. In my case- The Monkey didn't walk well until she was after 1 but the Boy walked well before 1. In turn The Monkey potty trained herself when she was 2 and The Boy wasn't potty trained until 3.
    I understand the frustration that comes from unsolicited advice in regards to parenting. I have learned to take most of it in one ear and let it out the other. I still get it and the kids are 13 and 18.
    I do hope for you that the children are eligible for the services of EI even if it just means a sigh of relief for you.