Monday, October 25, 2010

Telling Kids About People Who Have Passed Away

This weekend, I read a blog from another twin mom that got me thinking.  She wrote about her kids asking about her mom.  She wrote that her mom had taken her own life years before and she was unsure about how to tell her kids about her mom.  It made me think about my own dad who had also taken his own life.  Unlike my friend, my dad and I had a strained relationship before he passed away.  This was almost 21 years ago and as much as I have dealt with his death and the issues leading up to his death, I still have some anger and resentment toward him, especially now that I have kids.

My dad missed so many special, important moments in my life and now that I have kids, he misses all the things that go along with having grandchildren.  What makes me the most sad, is that I don't think about him as a part of my life very often.  Reading my friend's blog made me realize that I am going to have to be very conscious of telling my kids about my dad.  At this point, I feel like my step father is my kids' grandfather, but I do want them to know about my dad.  Even though I had a strained relationship with my dad prior to his death, we did have some good times years prior to his death.  I want to tell my kids about those times and about my dad's family.  My grandfather passed away on my older son's first birthday and my grandmother is now in a nursing home with Dementia.  They had lived in NC since my father's death and I fear that any connection I have with my father's side of the family is going to dry up and shrink away.  This is another reason I need to remember my dad.  I need to remember that side of my family too, even thought they are far away.

Thanks to my friend reanbean for having the courage to post this topic on her blog.  Reading her post made me think, and now that I have written this post, I hope that I will remember to tell my kids about my dad and I hope that I will remain at least somewhat close.



  1. My guess is that, over time, you'll find a way to share the parts you want to share about your father. I hope to share little bits here and there and not get into the complicated parts until they are older.

  2. My mom died 8 1/2 years ago. My dad has since remarried (to a wonderful woman, I might add), but it's hard for my daughters to understand why "grandma" is not my mom. We've talked about how Grandma Karen is in Heaven, but I haven't gotten into the details. (She died of cancer and I don't want my daughters to think they're going to die every time they're sick). Slowly they're starting to ask questions about my mom and I share my memories, but it's still painful that she's not here. I think hopefully you'll simply finding yourself sharing memories here and there (things like "Oh, I used to do this with my dad when I was little).