Life After Having Kids

Having three kids in 10 1/2 months has been a crazy but awesome ride.  Before you have kids, you think you know it all.  Then you have kids and, at least for me, everything I thought I knew was totally turned on it's head.  So many of my goals with having kids have not been met, natural childbirth, breast feeding, etc.  I now realize that as natural as somethings are, there are things that get in the way.  It doesn't make me a failure, it just is a learning experience and just a different way of doing things.

One thing that I truly believed would happen, is that I would all of a sudden have all these new mom friends, especially having twins.  Even though I have met a lot of great people (since having kids), I haven't formed the friendships that I had hoped to form after having kids.  Maybe it's just too soon.  Maybe once the kids are in school.  Michael is in school, but the kids in his class, like him, have developmental delays and I don't know if that makes a difference, but he has not made the friends that I had hoped.  I did miss a birthday party this summer for one of the little girls in his class.  I was horrified that I didn't see the invite until school started in September.  I would have loved for him to have gone to the party.

Life is crazy with 3 little kids.  It's definitely getting easier with them getting older.  I have more free time that I can do other things instead of having to do everything thing for them.  They can play by themselves more often when we are at the park and, at least for my twins, they find friends to play with.  Michael is a little different story.  He tends to play by himself not really interacting with other kids, even when my husband and I intervene and try to initiate interaction.

I have talked a little here about how I am disappointed with the amount of comments that I get on different social media sites.  I just want to make sure that I am really appreciative of anyone that takes time to read wether they post a comment or not.  It just frustrates me that I comment n other peoples posts on different social media sites, but it doesn't seem to be reciprocal.  I wouldn't mind so much, but certain people comment on other peoples posts.  I think, at this point, I have resigned myself to the fact that they are just not going to comment and I need to let it go.  I am going to keep posting on different social media sites and if I get comments, awesome!  If I don't get comments, no big deal!  Maybe one day something will resonate with someone and they will comment or maybe what I write will resonate and they won't comment, but it will make a difference for someone.

I am going to keep trying to meet new people, broaden my social circles as best I can and I'm sure in time, I'll meet more people and have friends who I have things in common with.  I would love to have more friends who create, so maybe I need to join a guild or something similar.  I tend to be more introverted and shy.  I like small groups, not large groups.  I like to have a few really close friends not a lot of acquaintances (which is what I feel like I have now).  I need to be better at talking to people and socializing.  It's not easy (given that I'm a social worker, you would think that talking to people would be easy), but it's something I need to do!

Amy

Summer's Coming To An End!

It's Labor Day weekend and that means, my husband goes back to school, my son goes back to school, and we get back to a routine.  I love Fall!  I love the crisp clean air, the cool nights, the fun fall things that we do, but I love having my husband home during the summer!

This summer we have had a pretty quiet, but fun summer.  Overall, the weather was really nice.  We had some days that were uncomfortable hot, but for the most part, the days were enjoyable!

Enjoy some pictures from our summer fun!

We celebrated 5 years of marriage

waiting for fireworks

waiting for fireworks

waiting for fireworks

me and my hubby

playing at the beach 4th of July

learning to swim

Ran our first 5K

playing at the park

playing in the sandbox

amaranth from our garden grown from seed

blueberry picking

Hanging in Newburyport

Museum of Science

The Basin Franconia Notch New Hampshire

Making soap

North Conway Railway

Family Portrait at The Basin

Flying airplanes

York Beach

The Park

Michael's granny square afghan

Poppy cat for Michael

Poppy cat for Michael

doll bed, quilt, mattress, pillow, and quilt, as well as a rag rug for Eva Rose's Doll

Rag quilt for Thomas and Eva Rose

We didn't do crazy things this summer, but we had a blast.  I loved being able to share time with our children and  not feeling like what we did had to be some crazy commercialized summer.  I love being able to look back at our pictures and remembering the fun times that we had.  We may not have a ton of money to do crazy expense  things, but we are able to spend good quality time and create loving lasting memories for our children.  I am so thankful that my husband is able to spend time with us.  I love being able to spend time creating things for my children and creating memories for our family!  As happy as I am to be getting back to a routine, I will miss our summer fun and lazy family days.  Here'd to next summer!

Amy

Dealing With Autism

It's been about a month and a half since we got confirmation that Michael was indeed on the Autism Spectrum.  It's amazing, that even though we were pretty sure he was on the spectrum, how difficult it is to process the diagnosis of PDD NOS.  There are times that I have these doubts that he actually has PDD, but then something happens and I realize that it is just my denial that he actually has PDD.  I'm not in total denial that he has it, I guess at times, I hope that he does't have it, but in reality I know he does.

One of the things that makes it so difficult to fully accept (or at least I think that this is one thing) is that people (family and friends) want to deny that he has it and when we tell them that he has this diagnosis, they say that they don't believe he has it.  I know that they mean well, but it just fosters that doubt in my own mind.

He was just evaluated for sensory issues, and the occupational therapist that saw him felt that some of the sensory seeking behaviors that he has are ways that he has developed to help him when he is over stimulated.  This is another area where people say things like: all 4 year olds do that or that's normal behavior.  I think on some level what Michael does is normal behavior, except that how often he does it and when and why he does it, is not normal developmental behavior.  On the other hand, if his behaviors are his coping mechanism for overstimulation, I am pretty impressed with his ability to figure out what he needs to decompress.  I think at this point, we need to find ways to help him so that he doesn't need to seek out these regulating behaviors.

We are going to see OT for 3-5 sessions to help figure out a "sensory diet" to see if that will help him not need to seek out things to decrease him stimulation, or at least help him not to get over stimulated on a regular basis.  I'm sure that there are going to be times where he will still get overstimulated, but if we can help to decrease these times, maybe he will feel better.

It was amazing to watch him after his evaluation.  It kind of brought home, once again, that there really is an issue.  At the end of the evaluation, when my husband and I were getting the results, Michael started doing his water play.  He started at the sink, then he started leaving the OT room and repeatedly going back and forth between the OT room and the water fountain in the waiting room.  The other 2 kids, who had been there as long waiting for Michael's evaluation to be finished, were playing in a more "normal" or "appropriate" way, such as playing with the different toys in the room.  When Michael gets like this, it can be difficult to distract him and get him to focus on something else.

Michael is still my sweet lovable boy and all of his evaluations start with a similar description.  All I want for him is to be happy.  I want him to have a happy, fun, good life.  I think with the appropriate interventions, he will do fine.  I think he may always have some "quirkiness" to him, but I think he will be fine.

I'm not sure that this is totally clear.  I guess, I am still processing everything that we have just learned and I know that there are still things that we need to learn.  If anyone has any thoughts that they want to share or stories that they want to share, please do.  I know that I am going to more than likely start looking for a support group to talk to others who either are in the situation that we are, or who have already been there!

Amy

Routines

We had one child before we had the twins and we were so not routine oriented people when it came to our son.  He had a routine at daycare, but when the weekends came, we just went with the flow.  Then, ten and a half months later all of a sudden we had three kids under one, two of whom were not even on the full term baby growth scale (yes they were five weeks early and yes they were pretty good sizes at four and a half pounds each, but they were little and early and they needed to fatten up) .  Then they got sick, my son at two and a half weeks and my daughter at three and a half  weeks and were both in the NICU for a total of  three (my son) and two weeks (my daughter).  Between being sick, being little, being early, and having three kids under one, we decided that we needed a routine to help us get through every day life.  Routines helped me ensure that everyone was being fed and changed on time, and that the littel ones were getting enough sleep, since everyone said that is where they get the energy to grow.  As they got older and stronger, we kind of slacked on the routines, but still had them.  Unfortunately, we didn't relly have a routine with my older son still.  My twins have been great sleepers, so maybe having the routine was a really good idea.  Maybe we should have been a little more routine oriented with my older son and he would have been a better sleeper.  Looking back tough, his first couple of years of life were probably pretty tough on him.  I was on bed rest from the time he was almost eight months old til the twins were born three months later.  Then I was in the hospital for five days, then the twins were in the hospital, all before he turned one.  Now at almost 3 we have a little routine for him, that is special just for him.  He now goes to bed so much better.  He sleeps so much better.  'm not sure I could have done the CIO when he was much younger, but maybe if I had had a routine in place like the twins did, he would have been a better sleeper all around.  Hind sight is definitely 20/20 and life was really crazy that first year, and still is, but I definitely now see teh benefit to having a decent routine in place yet being flexible enough that you don't frive yourself crazy.  Would I recommend a new mother to have a routine?  The answer is a definite yes.  Would I tell her it was ok to break the routine once in awhile, yes.  Is being a parent always a learning experience?  Definitely!  Routines work and now I need to have more routines in place for other areas in our lives than just bedtime.

Amy