Life After Having Kids

Having three kids in 10 1/2 months has been a crazy but awesome ride.  Before you have kids, you think you know it all.  Then you have kids and, at least for me, everything I thought I knew was totally turned on it's head.  So many of my goals with having kids have not been met, natural childbirth, breast feeding, etc.  I now realize that as natural as somethings are, there are things that get in the way.  It doesn't make me a failure, it just is a learning experience and just a different way of doing things.

One thing that I truly believed would happen, is that I would all of a sudden have all these new mom friends, especially having twins.  Even though I have met a lot of great people (since having kids), I haven't formed the friendships that I had hoped to form after having kids.  Maybe it's just too soon.  Maybe once the kids are in school.  Michael is in school, but the kids in his class, like him, have developmental delays and I don't know if that makes a difference, but he has not made the friends that I had hoped.  I did miss a birthday party this summer for one of the little girls in his class.  I was horrified that I didn't see the invite until school started in September.  I would have loved for him to have gone to the party.

Life is crazy with 3 little kids.  It's definitely getting easier with them getting older.  I have more free time that I can do other things instead of having to do everything thing for them.  They can play by themselves more often when we are at the park and, at least for my twins, they find friends to play with.  Michael is a little different story.  He tends to play by himself not really interacting with other kids, even when my husband and I intervene and try to initiate interaction.

I have talked a little here about how I am disappointed with the amount of comments that I get on different social media sites.  I just want to make sure that I am really appreciative of anyone that takes time to read wether they post a comment or not.  It just frustrates me that I comment n other peoples posts on different social media sites, but it doesn't seem to be reciprocal.  I wouldn't mind so much, but certain people comment on other peoples posts.  I think, at this point, I have resigned myself to the fact that they are just not going to comment and I need to let it go.  I am going to keep posting on different social media sites and if I get comments, awesome!  If I don't get comments, no big deal!  Maybe one day something will resonate with someone and they will comment or maybe what I write will resonate and they won't comment, but it will make a difference for someone.

I am going to keep trying to meet new people, broaden my social circles as best I can and I'm sure in time, I'll meet more people and have friends who I have things in common with.  I would love to have more friends who create, so maybe I need to join a guild or something similar.  I tend to be more introverted and shy.  I like small groups, not large groups.  I like to have a few really close friends not a lot of acquaintances (which is what I feel like I have now).  I need to be better at talking to people and socializing.  It's not easy (given that I'm a social worker, you would think that talking to people would be easy), but it's something I need to do!

Amy

Overcoming My Insecurities

Ok, so  I've written a couple of poor me posts about my insecurities about meeting new people and making new friends.  Yes, I still have them, but I am finally recognizing that I am having way too high of expectations.  I keep thinking about my sister in law and her best friend.  When I was in undergraduate school, I had to do a paper on how friendships change over the developmental stages.  I remember hearing the story of how my sister in law became friends with her now best friend, only what I usually remember is that they became friends because they had kids who were all around the same ages.  What I forget is that the best friend piece didn't happen overnight.  I forget that this was a friendship that went through different stages and then ultimately they became best friends.  I think I am in limbo right now with having a best friend.  I guess on some level I miss having that person, that girlfriend who you share everything with.  I have friends, but since I am the only one of my friends with little kids, having that commonality of marriage, and kids, and a a house, and a job just isn't there.  The only firends that I have who have children who are the same ages as mine are from my twins group.  Like others have commented, having little ones makes finding new firends and maintaining old friendships difficult, never mind trying to find a best friend.  I know that as the kids get older and the chaos of life changes, I will have more of a chance of making new friendships and maybe even finding a new best friend.  The funny thing is I still have friends from high school, I jsut don't feel like the relationships are the same as they were back then nor should they be.  I just need to keep putting myself out there, meeting new people, and someday it will click.  I will have that "best friend" again.  Hopefully, when the weather gets warmer and we can get outside and go to the park things will get better.  I can have people over to my house and enjoy our backyard with others.  I am getting out to more playdates. 

I think this winter has made it hard for me to feel positive about new friendships.  I forget that everyone's lives are busy, especially mine and I don't always maintain contact with people like I should.  I have had a couple of positive interactions this week that have me feeling much better about things in general.  Sometimes, I think my shyness really harms me.  The funny thing is I am so much less shy than I was when I was younger.  The difference is that when I was younger I didn't have a large circle of friends, I had one best friend and a few aquaintences.  I think that is the biggest issue.  I always had a best friend, but now I have a much larger circle/community of people in similar situations that I can get together with and share things.

I'm not sure if what i am writing is really saying how i am feeling, but I am definitely feeling more positve regarding meeting people and making friends.  I got a comment on my other blog regarding a totally different topic, and the commenter basically said go easy on yourself.  I tend to have pretty high expectations for myself and when they don't get met, I tend to feel pretty bad.  What I should do, is have lower expectations for myself, ones that can actually be met given that I have 3 little kids!

Thanks to everyone who has read these posts and especially to those who have commented.  I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement!

Amy

Feeling Somewhat Better

I posted a few days ago that I was starting to wonder if it was worth conintuing to write this blog.  Mainly this was do to my lack of followers and people who comment.  I totally realize that this blog is for me and if people read it and comment on it great.  If there are not a ton of followers or coments made so be it.  I got a few comments from people saying that they to don't always get coments or have the biggest following, but they write for them.  I need to remember this.  Also, people have reminded me that just because people don't comment of follow, doesn't mean that they don't read your blog.  The funny thing is, after I wrote that post and got some of those comments, a friend mentioned that she reads my blog often.  She has never commented, but she reads my blog!

I think part of these insecurities come from never really having a ton of friends.  I have always had a couple of very close friends and a bunch of aquaintences, but never a huge friend base.  I guess, I thought that maybe as an adult things would change.  I thought, maybe I'd be more likely to open myself up and be more friendly than she and quiet.  I thought having kids would make things easier.  Unfortunately, none of these are true.  I have met some great people/aquaintences between grad school, work, and being a mom, I just haven't really made the friends that I thought I would.  There are a lot of these people that I would consider a friend, but unfortunately I don't think that the feelings are mutual.  I know having 3 little ones so close in age may be making things a little more difficult.  I know that my shyness tends to be a major limiting factor.  I know that people's busy schedules play a huge role.  But, I also know that there are plenty of people in my situation that have made friends, close friends, not just aquaintences.  Maybe as I get more comfortable in my own skin and I open up and become a little more extroverted, maybe then I'll be able to make soem close friendships and not just have aquaintences!

Amy