Dealing With Autism

It's been about a month and a half since we got confirmation that Michael was indeed on the Autism Spectrum.  It's amazing, that even though we were pretty sure he was on the spectrum, how difficult it is to process the diagnosis of PDD NOS.  There are times that I have these doubts that he actually has PDD, but then something happens and I realize that it is just my denial that he actually has PDD.  I'm not in total denial that he has it, I guess at times, I hope that he does't have it, but in reality I know he does.

One of the things that makes it so difficult to fully accept (or at least I think that this is one thing) is that people (family and friends) want to deny that he has it and when we tell them that he has this diagnosis, they say that they don't believe he has it.  I know that they mean well, but it just fosters that doubt in my own mind.

He was just evaluated for sensory issues, and the occupational therapist that saw him felt that some of the sensory seeking behaviors that he has are ways that he has developed to help him when he is over stimulated.  This is another area where people say things like: all 4 year olds do that or that's normal behavior.  I think on some level what Michael does is normal behavior, except that how often he does it and when and why he does it, is not normal developmental behavior.  On the other hand, if his behaviors are his coping mechanism for overstimulation, I am pretty impressed with his ability to figure out what he needs to decompress.  I think at this point, we need to find ways to help him so that he doesn't need to seek out these regulating behaviors.

We are going to see OT for 3-5 sessions to help figure out a "sensory diet" to see if that will help him not need to seek out things to decrease him stimulation, or at least help him not to get over stimulated on a regular basis.  I'm sure that there are going to be times where he will still get overstimulated, but if we can help to decrease these times, maybe he will feel better.

It was amazing to watch him after his evaluation.  It kind of brought home, once again, that there really is an issue.  At the end of the evaluation, when my husband and I were getting the results, Michael started doing his water play.  He started at the sink, then he started leaving the OT room and repeatedly going back and forth between the OT room and the water fountain in the waiting room.  The other 2 kids, who had been there as long waiting for Michael's evaluation to be finished, were playing in a more "normal" or "appropriate" way, such as playing with the different toys in the room.  When Michael gets like this, it can be difficult to distract him and get him to focus on something else.

Michael is still my sweet lovable boy and all of his evaluations start with a similar description.  All I want for him is to be happy.  I want him to have a happy, fun, good life.  I think with the appropriate interventions, he will do fine.  I think he may always have some "quirkiness" to him, but I think he will be fine.

I'm not sure that this is totally clear.  I guess, I am still processing everything that we have just learned and I know that there are still things that we need to learn.  If anyone has any thoughts that they want to share or stories that they want to share, please do.  I know that I am going to more than likely start looking for a support group to talk to others who either are in the situation that we are, or who have already been there!

Amy

Getting Our Family Healthier

One of my big goals this new year is to work on being healthier.  I don't want to make this a resolution, but with the new year, I decided to start thinking of new goals, or at least re-focusing on goals that I have already had.

My husband and I decided to start eating healthier, both us and our kids.  For me, this is a tricky goal.  I want to be healthy, but I have horrible food cravings for foods that are not good for me and unfortunately often give in.  Also, my kids are on the very, very bottom of the growth scale, so I am always conscious of how much they eat.  They are also very very picky eaters.  With the new year, my husband and I started green smoothies again.  Much to my elated surprise, my oldest son is loving them.  He liked them the first time we started and he was about 18 months old, but quit  eating them soon after.  Now he is still loving them and having easily 2 shakes at breakfast.  This means he is getting some sort of leafy green (kale, swiss chard, red leaf lettuce, etc.), and fruits.  Finally I can feel like he is getting some good nutrition easily instead of fighting to get him to eat healthy foods.  My twins, on the other hand, barely touch the shakes.  The good news is that they are eating vegetables much better than before so I'm not as concerned with their healthy eating.  I am trying to be better at meal planning which means I am not so crazed at dinner time trying to figure out what to cook.  Also, I spend less money and waste less food because I know what to buy for when.

One of my friends, another twin mom, is doing a sort of biggest loser challenge on her blog http://goddessinprogressblog.com.  I wasn't sure about joining in, but I decided that it is only ten dollars to contribute to the winning prize.  Also, I figure maybe this would be a friendly way for me to challenge myself and have some accountability.  So here I am joining in.  My husband just bought new running shoes.  I bought new ones last summer, and probably only used them and handful of times so far.  The other thing that we splurged on is winter gear.  We do have a treadmill, but I like getting outside and I can take the twins with me even if it is just a walk and no running.

I actually can't wait to start exercising again.  My husband mentioned getting up early on alternate days so that we can go running without having to push the kids and then getting it out of the way.  I really don't like getting up early and for me the thought of getting up at 5:30am instead of my usual 6:45am is not something I am looking forward to.  I am however, looking forward to feeling better and getting in shape and hopefully liking how my body is going to look.

Plans are in motion to get at least a couple of my goals met.  Hopefully my husband and I can set a good example for our kids early in life so that they don't have to deal with for addiction, food cravings, inability to stop eating even when they are full, and hopefully they will be active.  Hopefully all of this will help them be healthy kids and even grow into healthy adults.

Amy

The Big C Word

I found out today that my mom has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Luckily, at least so far, it is the early stages and hopefully she can be treated and not have any negative effects from it long term.  The scarey thing about this diagnosis is that my grandmother died from breast cancer almost 5 years ago.  She under went 2 mastectomies a few years apart, and unfortunately teh cancer just spread through out her body.  The last couple of weeks of her life were extremely rough for her.  She was so sick and initially they didn't know what was wrong until they did surgery and found that the cancer was all in her abdomen causing all of the problems that she had been suffereing with for months (as far as I know, it could have been longer).  Not only do my mother and my grandmotehr carry the diagnosis, but my grandmother's twin sister as well as their mother (my great grandmother).  We still have to wait for some more results and then my mother is having a meeting with an oncology team.  At that point, I think we will know how significant the level is and what mode of treatment she is going to decide on.  She will also be having the gene test to see if it is the hereditary form of breast cancer.  I am hoping that since it seems like it is the early stages, the prognosis is good.  I am hoping that the prognosis is good, because obviously I want her around for a long time.  I want her to see my kids grow.  I want her to be a major part of their lives.  I am hoping that thing go well and we get good news.  At this point, it doesn't matter if she carries the gene or not.  I am going to be changing my lifestyle to do what ever I can to prevent this from happening to me.  The one positive, if there is ever a positive in breast cancer, is that everyone in my family (on my mother's side) with breast cancer got diagnosed post menopause.  That seems to have a better prognosis, so I am hoping that that remains the case.

Amy

2010 Review in Pictures

It's amazing how much the kids changed over the last year.  One year ago, the twins weren't walking, now they are running everywhere!  I love going through the picture and reminiscing about the things that have happened, the changes that have happened, and how we have all changed physically over the past year!

January

Eva Rose 1st Birthday

Thomas 1st Birthday

Michael enjoying the frosting from the twins birthday cake

February

Enjoying a winter day at the park

March

Happy 2nd Birthday Michael

Eva Rose enjoying Michael's cake

Mommy and Thomas

April

Crazy hot day in April!

May

All 3 in one picture and all smiling!

June

Father's day picture

July

Running at the park

August

Rockport with Daddy

September

Patriot's Opening Day Family Picture

October

Halloween 2010

November

Sitting together nicely instead of fighting!

Crazy sleeping positions!

December

Santa

First outing in the snow for 2010

Happy New Year Everyone!

Amy

Telling Kids About People Who Have Passed Away

This weekend, I read a blog from another twin mom that got me thinking.  She wrote about her kids asking about her mom.  She wrote that her mom had taken her own life years before and she was unsure about how to tell her kids about her mom.  It made me think about my own dad who had also taken his own life.  Unlike my friend, my dad and I had a strained relationship before he passed away.  This was almost 21 years ago and as much as I have dealt with his death and the issues leading up to his death, I still have some anger and resentment toward him, especially now that I have kids.

My dad missed so many special, important moments in my life and now that I have kids, he misses all the things that go along with having grandchildren.  What makes me the most sad, is that I don't think about him as a part of my life very often.  Reading my friend's blog made me realize that I am going to have to be very conscious of telling my kids about my dad.  At this point, I feel like my step father is my kids' grandfather, but I do want them to know about my dad.  Even though I had a strained relationship with my dad prior to his death, we did have some good times years prior to his death.  I want to tell my kids about those times and about my dad's family.  My grandfather passed away on my older son's first birthday and my grandmother is now in a nursing home with Dementia.  They had lived in NC since my father's death and I fear that any connection I have with my father's side of the family is going to dry up and shrink away.  This is another reason I need to remember my dad.  I need to remember that side of my family too, even thought they are far away.

Thanks to my friend reanbean for having the courage to post this topic on her blog.  Reading her post made me think, and now that I have written this post, I hope that I will remember to tell my kids about my dad and I hope that I will remain at least somewhat close.

Amy

Get Over It!

This is something I say to myself every time I hear someone talk about their pregnancies, deliveries, and nursing.  It seems like forever that I knew that I wanted a non-invasive, healthy pregnancy, a natural birth and to nurse my babies for at least a year.  Well, none of that happened with either pregnancy.  With my first son, things were great.  I was taking a hypnobirthing class and planned to meditate during labor and while giving birth and wanted a totally medication free birth.  Things were great until about week 32 (if I remember right).  I went for a regular appt and ended up on bed rest and in the hospital for a week then total bed rest for the next 5 weeks due to pre-eclampsia.  I was induced and things went well til my son decided he didn't want to come out.  I got medication and pitocin and then ended up with a c-section.  I attempted to nurse, but it just didn't some naturally for me (even though I spouted off how natural all of this was supposed to be).  He wasn't gaining weight and I needed to supplement as well as pump to try to maintain my supply.  Then I became pregnant again at 3 months after his birth and totally stopped nursing.  Things were great this time til week 23 when I was put on bed rest for risk of pre-term labor.  I was going to attempt a VBAC, but both babies needed to be head down.  When I needed to give birth at week 35, I ended up having another c-section, because one of the babies was not head down.  Another c-section and again I had trouble nursing.  Then the twins got sick and ended up back in the hospital, this time the NICU at Children's Boston.  Again more issues for nursing.  I ended up giving up.  Thinking back, I am sorry I just gave in to the 2nd c-section.  I wish I had talked to the doctor more.  Even if I still needed the c-section at least I could look back and say that I tried.  As for nursing, I just wasn't relaxed enough.  I let my issues with being perfect get in the way.  If I were to do it over again, I would definitely try to relax more, go to a LLL meeting, and just keep trying even if I needed to use formula.  As childish and immature as it is, I get envious of people who get to have the birth plan that they wanted and those that have the after birth plan happen the way they want to as well.

All that being said, I love my 3 children more than I could ever imagine.  Even though things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, my children are beautiful and healthy and that is what I need to remember.  My twins who were so sick in the beginning are healthy and growing strong.  My older son is amazing.  It blows my mind how much he has grown.  Actually it blows my mind how much they have all grown.  So as my title says "Get over it"  I have 3 perfect children who love me, and, I also have a husband who is very supportive and is the best partner.  I couldn't imagine riding this crazy roller coaster with anyone else.  I have a great family!

Amy