Michael has some pretty significant speech delays! He is doing much better now that he has an IEP and is in school for 5 hours Monday thru Friday, but he is still behind. A while ago, Like more than a year ago, my husband mentioned Autism. We have gone through the back and forth of wether or not this is an issue. I have asked his EI person, I have asked his teachers at school, and our family practitioner has never mentioned anything. No one seems to be concerned about autism. Everyone seems to think that this is just a speech delay and that in time it will resolve itself.
I have this sinking feeling that there is more than just a speech delay. I am hoping I am wrong, but something just makes me think that there is more to it. The problem, is that I don't trust myself and my gut. There is a good chance that I am just over reacting and thinking that there is something wrong, when he is just behind the developmental curve and will catch up. I tend to compare my kids to my friends' kids who may actually be ahead of the developmental curve so that puts a spin on things too!
I don't think that it is autism. I have taken my DSM IV, and looked at the autism spectrum disorders and while Michael may fit some criteria, he wouldn't, at least in my opinion, even fit PDD. We are going to Michael's first school conference tomorrow and I will be asking and probably pushing the teacher to tell me if there is more than just a speech delay and if we should look at getting any sort of testing.
The other piece to the puzzle is that we have had a blood test for Michael and it showed that he has a significant sensitivity to gluten and dairy (as did my test). The problem is, that this blood test has a lot of people that don't believe it's a valid or accurate test. We have been trying to remove these foods from Michael's diet, but it is so hard! Michael is my son when it comes to food. When we removed dairy back in January, we saw a dramatic difference. I didn't see that difference with the gluten so I wasn't as strict. I was talking to my husband's cousin who mentioned that it could take a while before we see a difference with the gluten, and I remembered reading something about that. After that conversation, I decided that I really needed to be more strict and I have removed anything that he could see that he would want and I would be tempted to give him. I am trying to make sure that we have options in the house for him so that he can have bread and cookies and milk. I need to get better at baking gluten free. I also want to watch how much sugar he has. It's amazing how I can do this for him, but I can't seem to do this for myself. Michael is on his 3rd day of being gluten free. Yesterday, he came home and hadn't had an accident at school. This was the first time in a long time that he had been accident free. I think the other thing that made going gluten free hard was seeing him regress with potty training about the same time as we stopped the gluten. It probably had nothing to do with the gluten, but it was making me wonder if gluten was an issue or not. Maybe the potty training regression had nothing to do with gluten, maybe I just needed to be more consistent and stop feeling bad about not giving him gluten. I am totally on board with keeping him gluten free and hoping that this will help with a lot of his issues. The dietician we met with mentioned that getting rid of gluten would make a major change with his neurological symptoms (we had mentioned the autism fear that we had).
As I write this, I feel that I should make a strong point to say that Michael has made significant gains over the past year. This time last year, he had about 10 words in his vocabulary and that may be stretching it. He now will say 3-4 word sentences, but he will be 4 in just 3 1/2 months and still can't even have a simple conversation. I think I will feel better after our conference tomorrow and then we can hopefully move forward and either get some testing, or I can feel better knowing that it is more likely just a time thing!
Amy
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Frustrations!
The other day was one of my more frustrating day's as a parent. I'm not sure what was going on with me, maybe just normal parenting issues, but no matter what happened, I just felt like I had no petience. We have had my brother in law living with us for the last 3 months and it has not been easy. In fact it is definitely one of the biggest stressors right now. The other big stressor is potty training and trying to get my health back.
Potty training is probably the absolute worst developmemtal stage that I have gone through so far. I'm sure there will be worse, but in 3 1/2 years, this is the worst. The kids are definitely into going on the potty, but they are not quite ready to go without us telling them to go on the potty every so often, like every 1/2 hour or so. Sometimes, we have great days and there are absolutely no accidents the whole day. Sometimes, it seems like all we do is clean up pee and poop. I is finally seeming like Michael is getting it. He will go into the bathroom and either sit on a potty or pee in the toilet. He has even pooped twice on the potty after bringing himself to the bathroom with no prompts from us as parents. His biggest issue is that he loves to pee in any container he can find. This is one thing I am working really hard to try to break. I love his aim, but he needs to learn that there are places to pee and places not to pee. The twins are good about going when we bring them, but no so good about telling they have to go. Though, I have to say, Eva Rose woke up twice last night and after going on the potty went right back to sleep. I think we will just keep on moving forward and hope that they will get it soon.
Lastly, not only are we dealing with the terrible two's times two, but a three year old also. The behaviors and the whining are absolutely driving me mad. I can handle crying, but whining is not something I handle well. I am also not digging the defiant behavior of Thomas. My sweet little boy has all of a sudden started saying no when I ask him to do something. I guess he is just asserting his independence and I just have to remember my favorite developmental theorist, Erik Erikson states that people have different conflicts in life that they need to resolve in order to move on to the next stage of development. My kids are in the autonomy vs doubt stage, at least the twins are. They need to figure out how to have a sense that they are able to have some control over their environment. I guess, I need to figure out how to maintain some independence without giving them free reign. Michael, on the other hand, should be moving into initiative vs guilt. This almost seems like a continuation of more advanced independence and that is exactly where Michael seems to be. As I re-read some of the negatives, I think this may be what we are seeing with Michael's frustrations. He is learning to master different tasks and be much more independent and when he is unable to achieve a goal, he becomes frustrated.
Wow, writing this post has really made me feel better about things! I really like Erik Erikson's theories. I know that there are some people that criticise them, but I have always liked his theories. I actually used them in my theoretical perspectives paper in grad school. It's good to start looking at things again. I may need to start looking at more child development to help me feel better about my parenting skills and to help me remember that what my kids are doing is probably just normal developmental tasks that they need to achieve.
Amy
Potty training is probably the absolute worst developmemtal stage that I have gone through so far. I'm sure there will be worse, but in 3 1/2 years, this is the worst. The kids are definitely into going on the potty, but they are not quite ready to go without us telling them to go on the potty every so often, like every 1/2 hour or so. Sometimes, we have great days and there are absolutely no accidents the whole day. Sometimes, it seems like all we do is clean up pee and poop. I is finally seeming like Michael is getting it. He will go into the bathroom and either sit on a potty or pee in the toilet. He has even pooped twice on the potty after bringing himself to the bathroom with no prompts from us as parents. His biggest issue is that he loves to pee in any container he can find. This is one thing I am working really hard to try to break. I love his aim, but he needs to learn that there are places to pee and places not to pee. The twins are good about going when we bring them, but no so good about telling they have to go. Though, I have to say, Eva Rose woke up twice last night and after going on the potty went right back to sleep. I think we will just keep on moving forward and hope that they will get it soon.
Lastly, not only are we dealing with the terrible two's times two, but a three year old also. The behaviors and the whining are absolutely driving me mad. I can handle crying, but whining is not something I handle well. I am also not digging the defiant behavior of Thomas. My sweet little boy has all of a sudden started saying no when I ask him to do something. I guess he is just asserting his independence and I just have to remember my favorite developmental theorist, Erik Erikson states that people have different conflicts in life that they need to resolve in order to move on to the next stage of development. My kids are in the autonomy vs doubt stage, at least the twins are. They need to figure out how to have a sense that they are able to have some control over their environment. I guess, I need to figure out how to maintain some independence without giving them free reign. Michael, on the other hand, should be moving into initiative vs guilt. This almost seems like a continuation of more advanced independence and that is exactly where Michael seems to be. As I re-read some of the negatives, I think this may be what we are seeing with Michael's frustrations. He is learning to master different tasks and be much more independent and when he is unable to achieve a goal, he becomes frustrated.
Wow, writing this post has really made me feel better about things! I really like Erik Erikson's theories. I know that there are some people that criticise them, but I have always liked his theories. I actually used them in my theoretical perspectives paper in grad school. It's good to start looking at things again. I may need to start looking at more child development to help me feel better about my parenting skills and to help me remember that what my kids are doing is probably just normal developmental tasks that they need to achieve.
Amy
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Barbie Dolls Part II
Thank you Tanya for you comment. It makes me feel better to know that not everyone is against Barbie dolls, though I am having a hard time realizing that the first doll my daughter seems interested in is Barbie. I guess I am not so against her having barbie dolls, I just hate the idea of the body image issues behind Barbie.
I guess the there are a multitude of things in our society that we have to protect or at least educate our kids about. It's too bad that we have to worry about body image in our children at a young age. I loved Barbie dolls as a kid as well as my baby dolls. I definitely have body image problems, but I'm sure that playing with Barbie dolls was not the issue. I was well aware that Barbie was not only an unattainable body to desire, but that it was also just not physically possible to have that big of a chest, that small of a waist, those hips, and those legs at least not without surgery. Not only did I love playing with Barbie's, I loved playing with my baby dolls. I was pretty much always a girly girl. Did this make me into a meek superficial female ? Not at all! I have a masters degree and I have had a career as a nursing home social worker for 10 years before I had my kids. Do I think as parents we need to be positive role models and talk about toys and goals and other life lessons? Absolutely! If I were honest, do I really think that toys by themselves are the devil incarnate? No! Do I sometimes have a problem with listening to others and following everything they say? Yes! Should I start thinking a little more critically and start listening to myself? Yes! Can I let my kids play with Barbie dolls, baby dolls and other very gender specific toys and have them grow up to be balanced adults? Yes! Actually, I think that it is positive for kids to be exposed to toys of both genders versus either only providing gender neutral toys or gender specific toys based on their gender. I have never thought that providing toys that are marketed for the opposite sex would cause any gender confusion. I have actually always thought that it would make a child into a more balanced adult, by letting them chose things that they are interested in.
There are many things in our society that we as parents have to talk to our kids about. There are all sorts of images that make both sexes have issues with body image. There are all sorts of things that we need to teach and be open with our kids about. I guess, after writing this, I am leaning more to getting an age appropriate Barbie doll for my daughter as well as dolls and doll accessories. That being said, I will certainly be offering these toys to the boys so that they can play with things other than cars and trucks and other traditional boy toys and I will certainly allow and encourage my daughter to play with the boys' toys if she chooses!
Ok, enough for my soapbox talk! Thanks for letting me spill my thoughts out and for any comments that people have.
Amy
I guess the there are a multitude of things in our society that we have to protect or at least educate our kids about. It's too bad that we have to worry about body image in our children at a young age. I loved Barbie dolls as a kid as well as my baby dolls. I definitely have body image problems, but I'm sure that playing with Barbie dolls was not the issue. I was well aware that Barbie was not only an unattainable body to desire, but that it was also just not physically possible to have that big of a chest, that small of a waist, those hips, and those legs at least not without surgery. Not only did I love playing with Barbie's, I loved playing with my baby dolls. I was pretty much always a girly girl. Did this make me into a meek superficial female ? Not at all! I have a masters degree and I have had a career as a nursing home social worker for 10 years before I had my kids. Do I think as parents we need to be positive role models and talk about toys and goals and other life lessons? Absolutely! If I were honest, do I really think that toys by themselves are the devil incarnate? No! Do I sometimes have a problem with listening to others and following everything they say? Yes! Should I start thinking a little more critically and start listening to myself? Yes! Can I let my kids play with Barbie dolls, baby dolls and other very gender specific toys and have them grow up to be balanced adults? Yes! Actually, I think that it is positive for kids to be exposed to toys of both genders versus either only providing gender neutral toys or gender specific toys based on their gender. I have never thought that providing toys that are marketed for the opposite sex would cause any gender confusion. I have actually always thought that it would make a child into a more balanced adult, by letting them chose things that they are interested in.
There are many things in our society that we as parents have to talk to our kids about. There are all sorts of images that make both sexes have issues with body image. There are all sorts of things that we need to teach and be open with our kids about. I guess, after writing this, I am leaning more to getting an age appropriate Barbie doll for my daughter as well as dolls and doll accessories. That being said, I will certainly be offering these toys to the boys so that they can play with things other than cars and trucks and other traditional boy toys and I will certainly allow and encourage my daughter to play with the boys' toys if she chooses!
Ok, enough for my soapbox talk! Thanks for letting me spill my thoughts out and for any comments that people have.
Amy
Friday, July 2, 2010
Parenting Styles
I belong to a great group of twin moms that have been really helpful in dealing with different ways of parenting kids. There are those with just twins and those like me with twins plus one. There is even a mom with 2 sets of twins under 2, crazy I know! There was a recent question posted to the group with an answer that made me think about my parenting styles. As I have often written, I have had difficulty with getting my older son to sleep well. I did a combination of CIO (cry it out), sitting and rubbing his back, changing his diaper, and finally giving him some milk. The CIO worked great for getting him to fall asleep, and even then it was modified where I would let him cry, but after some time I would go in and rub his back and help him fall asleep. So far he has been going to sleep without trouble, but has recently been waking in the middle of the night. I started letting him cry, and my husband said "I thought we weren't just going to let him cry. I thought we were doing the middle of the road". I have to admit that at that point, I wasn't sure what we were doing with regards to his sleep.
So now I am thinking about my parenting styles in general. Am I a believer in attachment parenting like I originally believed? Do I just go with whatever anyone suggests? Do I believe in the whole positive disciplining? ETC!
When I think about the answer to what my parenting style is, I think about my social work class that wanted to know what my theoretical practice was. The answer I came up with for the class and also for my parenting style is, I am eclectic on how I practice for my professional life and my job as a parent. I believe that there are more than one way to deal with clients and also with children. I also believe that within practicing one theory, you can also practice another. I am learning by trial and error that each situation and each child may need a different approach.
I am not one that rushes to my child unless there is a serious need. I try to let them figure things out for themselves. When they go to bed or cry out in the middle of the night, I give them some time to soothe themselves and figure out how to calm down without my intervention. I have found that with sleep sometimes they can get themselves back to sleep, but sometimes they need a diaper, some water, and a little TLC from mom. They are only little for such a short time that if they need me to help them feel better, I want to be there for them. If they are fighting with each other, I don't rush in and try to fix things, I try to let them figure things out, while I observe from the sidelines and intervene if needed. If they are dong something that is a little scary for me, I try to let them do it with me keeping an eye on them to keep them safe.
I have plenty of times that I feel guilty about my parenting, feel like I am not a good parent, question my beliefs, and more, but then when I watch my children and think about how they act and what they can do, I get more confident in my skills as a parent. I guess these are normal feelings. At least I hope that they are. I have great kids that are growing and gaining skills every day. I love watching them change and learn new things. I love that I am the type of parent that allows my children to learn and explore. But what I love most is that I have a support system of other twins moms and most importantly the support of my husband to help me through the most difficult, yet the most amazing job that I have ever had and will ever have!
So now I am thinking about my parenting styles in general. Am I a believer in attachment parenting like I originally believed? Do I just go with whatever anyone suggests? Do I believe in the whole positive disciplining? ETC!
When I think about the answer to what my parenting style is, I think about my social work class that wanted to know what my theoretical practice was. The answer I came up with for the class and also for my parenting style is, I am eclectic on how I practice for my professional life and my job as a parent. I believe that there are more than one way to deal with clients and also with children. I also believe that within practicing one theory, you can also practice another. I am learning by trial and error that each situation and each child may need a different approach.
I am not one that rushes to my child unless there is a serious need. I try to let them figure things out for themselves. When they go to bed or cry out in the middle of the night, I give them some time to soothe themselves and figure out how to calm down without my intervention. I have found that with sleep sometimes they can get themselves back to sleep, but sometimes they need a diaper, some water, and a little TLC from mom. They are only little for such a short time that if they need me to help them feel better, I want to be there for them. If they are fighting with each other, I don't rush in and try to fix things, I try to let them figure things out, while I observe from the sidelines and intervene if needed. If they are dong something that is a little scary for me, I try to let them do it with me keeping an eye on them to keep them safe.
I have plenty of times that I feel guilty about my parenting, feel like I am not a good parent, question my beliefs, and more, but then when I watch my children and think about how they act and what they can do, I get more confident in my skills as a parent. I guess these are normal feelings. At least I hope that they are. I have great kids that are growing and gaining skills every day. I love watching them change and learn new things. I love that I am the type of parent that allows my children to learn and explore. But what I love most is that I have a support system of other twins moms and most importantly the support of my husband to help me through the most difficult, yet the most amazing job that I have ever had and will ever have!
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