Making Friends

Why is it that making friends is so much harder when you get older?  Or is it just me?  I still have a few friends from high school and college, but different life changes in each of our lives has made it more difficult to remain close.  I have never been one to have many friends.  I was always more likely to have a couple of really good close friends, that I could confide everything in.  As I got older and our lives started to change, some of these friendships grew apart.  Some of these friendships really needed to grow apart and some I really wish hadn't.  Now that I have 3 kids, I am finding it even harder to make friends vs aquaintences.  I have a number of aquaintences, but no real close new friends.  I had hoped that being a part of the twins group, would make this task much easier, but it really hasn't.  I think a big part of it is me.  I tend to be on the quiet side, even thought there are some people in my life who would disagree.  I tend to feel so awkward around new people and hope that they will invite me in to their circle with out me having to do much work (not that I don't want to, it just the fear that I will still be rejected even after I have made a huge effort).  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe I haven't put enough effort into making friends.  Maybe I'm assuming that people don't want to be friends with me, when the truth is that I have never given them the chance.  Here I am at 37 and I feel more I like I am in junior high or high school when it comes to making friends!  I would love to have friends that have kids around my kids ages, husbands or significant others that will get along with my husband, and someone that I could have a close strong friendship with.  Maybe, I just haven't given the aquaintences that I have met enough of a chance or maybe I just haven't found the right people yet.  So, I am going to try to be more outgoing.  I have become a COPE co-chair for my twins group in hopes that I would become more a part of the group, instead of just being on the sidelines.  I am also going to give some of these aquaitences more of a chance to grow before I say that they are not friends.  I have to get over the fact that it really has seemed like in the past, when I have gotten together with people, we never seem to get together again.  I think maybe I need to make more of an effort in this area (getting together with people again after a playdate).  I think I also need to realize that most of the moms that I know have twins (at least and maybe more) and that they are busy too.  I also need to stop thinking that I am the total problem and start realizing that people may want to be more friends with me than I think!

Early Intervention Update

Today we had the twins evaluated for EI and like I expected, they qualified for due to a speech delay.  Now all 3 kids are accepted into EI for speech.  I am actually glad that all 3 are involved as I think it will make life easier overall.  We are trying to get them into a group, which I think is beneficial for all of them.  Personally, I think all 3 kids could use some interaction with other people than just me and my husband.  I think they need to be around kids their own age other than each other.  I am hoping that with the fall coming and the weather getting cooler, we'll be back at the park more often.  I plan to look more into other groups, hopefully that are free or really low cost.  I'm really looking forward to getting out IFSP (plan) in place so that we can start working with the kids.  They have already given us a bunch of good suggestions that we have actually started to incorporate into the schedule.  The best part about EI is I am supposed to incorporate thigns into our daily lives not try to find a special time to set aside to work with them. Since I  have 3 under 3,  this makes so much sense.  The thought of trying to remember to set aside time to work specifically on speech is kind of terrifying.  On the other hand, the thought of incorporating it into our daily lives is so freeing.  I am looking forward to getting things started and moving forward with their speech!

Amy

Get Over It!

This is something I say to myself every time I hear someone talk about their pregnancies, deliveries, and nursing.  It seems like forever that I knew that I wanted a non-invasive, healthy pregnancy, a natural birth and to nurse my babies for at least a year.  Well, none of that happened with either pregnancy.  With my first son, things were great.  I was taking a hypnobirthing class and planned to meditate during labor and while giving birth and wanted a totally medication free birth.  Things were great until about week 32 (if I remember right).  I went for a regular appt and ended up on bed rest and in the hospital for a week then total bed rest for the next 5 weeks due to pre-eclampsia.  I was induced and things went well til my son decided he didn't want to come out.  I got medication and pitocin and then ended up with a c-section.  I attempted to nurse, but it just didn't some naturally for me (even though I spouted off how natural all of this was supposed to be).  He wasn't gaining weight and I needed to supplement as well as pump to try to maintain my supply.  Then I became pregnant again at 3 months after his birth and totally stopped nursing.  Things were great this time til week 23 when I was put on bed rest for risk of pre-term labor.  I was going to attempt a VBAC, but both babies needed to be head down.  When I needed to give birth at week 35, I ended up having another c-section, because one of the babies was not head down.  Another c-section and again I had trouble nursing.  Then the twins got sick and ended up back in the hospital, this time the NICU at Children's Boston.  Again more issues for nursing.  I ended up giving up.  Thinking back, I am sorry I just gave in to the 2nd c-section.  I wish I had talked to the doctor more.  Even if I still needed the c-section at least I could look back and say that I tried.  As for nursing, I just wasn't relaxed enough.  I let my issues with being perfect get in the way.  If I were to do it over again, I would definitely try to relax more, go to a LLL meeting, and just keep trying even if I needed to use formula.  As childish and immature as it is, I get envious of people who get to have the birth plan that they wanted and those that have the after birth plan happen the way they want to as well.

All that being said, I love my 3 children more than I could ever imagine.  Even though things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, my children are beautiful and healthy and that is what I need to remember.  My twins who were so sick in the beginning are healthy and growing strong.  My older son is amazing.  It blows my mind how much he has grown.  Actually it blows my mind how much they have all grown.  So as my title says "Get over it"  I have 3 perfect children who love me, and, I also have a husband who is very supportive and is the best partner.  I couldn't imagine riding this crazy roller coaster with anyone else.  I have a great family!

Amy

Newest Creations for the kiddos

This weekend I finally finished the Mei tai that I have been wanting to make.  Actually the pattern is a scandi, but it is similar to a mei tai (I believe).

In progress

Eva Rose

Michael

Thomas

All done!

I still have some more things that I need to work on, but I feel good that I finished this.  I can't wait to actually use it!

Amy

Early Intervention

So, Michael had his early intervention eval today and it was great.  He did get picked up for services for his lack of receptive and expressive communication, but I was so impressed with the things that he was able to do.  I loved watching the assessment.  I loved watching him interact with other adults than just family and friends that have always been around.  He did have a little melt down at one point, but thankfully regained control fairly quickly.  He right at where he should be developmentally with regards to his gross and fine motor skills.  There are things that we can work on with him to help him improve a little bit, but he doesn't need any intervention with regards to these areas.  Of course, now that he has been evaluated, he is certainly doing a bit more imitating, but he is still not where he should be.  The EI evaluators also said that his level of development with fine and gross motor should actually help him with his language development.  They also pointed out that movement seems to make him more likely to use language.  I will certainly be trying to use that bit of knowledge to my advantage.

Next week, the twins have their evaluations. I don't know if they will be eligible for services, but I am really looking forward to watching their actual evaluations.  Part of me hopes that they do qualify, just so that they can get a little extra help.  Again, I think for them, it is a matter of language development vs physical, but it will be interesting to see how they perform on the gross and fine motor skills.  Today, we had 2 evaluators and next week, we will have 4 since they will be evaluating 2 kids.  Luckily today, the twins went in for a nap during most of the evaluation so both my husband and I got to observe.  Next week, I think I want to have someone watch Michael while we have the evals for the twins so that he can have fun and we can pay attention to the evaluation process.

I am really happy that we made the referral.  I have a few ideas of things that I want to get for new toys for all 3 kids.  I also want to kind of schedule the day a little bit more so that there is a little time for direct learning through play instead of just winging it.  I want to get back to the park and this time I want to try to help Michael do some more socialization with other children his age.  Any suggestions for toys, activities, or playgroups for 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old kids are totally helpful?  Also, I am interesting in arts and crafts for the 3 kids.  Any suggestions on supplies or even a class that we can take (probably a 1 time only depending on the cost)?  Any good websites for learning for this age as well?

Thanks,
Amy

Rant!

I jsut need a place to rant about people giving unsolicited advice.  No matter how well intentioned, sometimes people should just keep their mouths shut!  Case in point, early intervention.  Michael will be 2 1/2 Sept 8th and really has no functional communication.  As an aside, my husband and my little sister both talked on the later side of the developmental spectrum and there is nothing wrong now that they are grown.  After much deliberation, my husband and I decided to make a referral to EI for all 3 kids since the twins are really not talking either.  Today was the initial gathering of information and then we still have 2 more days of evals before we know who will be eligible if any.  Tomorrow is Michael's eval and I'm guessing that he will probably be approved.  The thing is, the way some people talk, Michael should be so much farther ahead than he is and we should have made a referral a long time ago (which is exactly why I am having the twins evaluated).  When we did the developmental things today, the evaluator said that she wasn't sure that the twins would qualify, but michael maybe will, she's not sure.  Granted, they all still need to have their individual evaluations, and we won't truly know if they qualify until then.  Also, given the state of the economy in the state with all the cutbacks in services, it is going to be much harder for anyone to qualify for services.  The thing is, people are so willing to point out when kids are not meeting milestones at the "normal" rate and they make you feel like there is something wrong with your child, when in fact, it just may mean that your child is developing at his or her own rate.  My husband has been really good at reminding me that not all kids do things in the same time frame as all the other kids. 

The thing is, there may be things that we can do better as parents of 3 kids so close in age.  I don't want to equate myself with a mother of triplets, but it is so hard to have 3 kids this close in age.  Sometimes I feel like I am not giving them the attention that they would be getting if they were farther apart in age and singletons.  With Michael, he was only 10 1/2 months when the twins were born.  Then there is the fact that I was on bed rest for 3 months of my pregnancy.  Then the twins were in the hospital (NICU) after being home for 2-3 weeks and then Michael turned 1 right after they came home.  Then I had to ensure that 3 babies were taken care of.  Don't get me wrong, I actually truly love having them so close in age, I just hoep that their development is not suffering because of it.

So to all those "well meaning" people, please keep those comments to yourself.  You don't know everything.  You don't need to scare parents.  Kids do not always develop at exactly the same time, including siblings.  If you don't truly know what qulaifies as a delay, keep your mouth shut.  Those "well meaning" comments can cause parents worry about their child's development and if it is normal and cause them to question themselves and that just isn't a fair place to put anyone.  I do hope that the kids qualify because I think that they can benefit, but because of certain things that were said to me (even though I was smart enough not to take the comments at face value and I researched on my own) I have questioned my own parenting and my own belief system when it comes to my children.  I am slowly learning to listten to me and my beliefs and not let others influence me without first assessing the whole situation and making sure that I get the facts straight.

One of these days, I hope that I can trust myself enough to know that I know what's best for my child and not let others influence me.  Sory about the rant, but i am just frustrated with unsolicited advice!

Thanks for listening,
Amy

Early Intervention

Our EI evals start tomorrow.  We will have 2 people at the house tomorrow to start the process.  I am not really sure what to expect and am assuming that all 3 kids will qualify for speech.  I would have to say that Michael has some useful communication skills, but not a ton.  He hasn't put words together yet and is almost 2 1/2.  He is starting to say more and say things like bye appropriately, but noting really more than that.  I am a little concerned that there is more to this than just a speech delay, but it is probably my obsessive nature that is rearing it's ugly head.  The twins are not really talking either, but they are only 18 months and I thin they are doing more than Michael did at this age, but are still behind where they should be. I am hoping that EI will give me and my husband pointers on what we should be doing differently.  I will feel so guilty is there have been things that I should have been doing but haven't that may have contributed to this delay.  the good thing is that if they get accepted by EI, then they will get teh help that they need and I have heard so many positive stories about how EI has benefitted other's kids.

Along with the EI evals, I plan to start planning my meals better.  This will help in so many ways.  This is one of the major stressors in my life.  I am just not good at being organized and having things planned.  Along with that I will be doing better at getting myself organized with regards to daily cleaning.  I need to stop trying to do things all at once and start doing things in small doses so that I don't get overwhelmed by the many tasks that go along with having a house, taking care of small kids, having a husband, and now a part time job.  I need to get better at planning and scheduling so that life goes a little smoother.

Thanks for reading,
Amy